Meaning of my emotions

Topic: English Essay Perhaps one of the most fascinating aspects of human behavior is our ability to surprise our selves. The factor of unpredictability does not limit it self simply to those around us, the aloof external viewers who observe us from day to day, it also engulfs ourselves as well. When asked, no individual can account or explain all activities they will engage in and how they will react to everything they face on a day to day basis.
However, what can be done with regards to one’s feelings is that they can be anticipated. When one receives a gift, others and oneself both expect happiness, and even if the happiness is not genuine, at least a display of thankfulness and appreciation are the norm. And then there are occasions when expectations are heavily betrayed.
My emotions are not a science. I would much rather place them loftily on the pedestal of art. They are free, function for their own wellbeing, and can hardly be stopped, even when I wish not to feel anything as I recently learned. I used to confidently categorize myself as a rational person and chose not to give into my petty emotions when I could avoid it. However, unfortunately, I experienced, this is not always the case.
A recent, very strong emotional reaction I exhibited led me to re-evaluate myself and question whether I truly am as rational and immune to ‘ silly’ emotions as I believed myself to be. A very close friend had been searching for a silver pendant with a Christian cross insignia. After failing to find one she felt exhibited her simplicity (most of them were too decorative for her), she gave up. Only a few days before her birthday, I managed to find a sleek yet simple silver cross and excitedly told her that I had bought it for her birthday. On our next phone call, she informed me she bought the exact same pendant that she happened to find at the mall for herself. On the phone, I said nothing. Made light of it, as if it were not a big deal, and as if it did not bother me that she chose to lower the significance of my gift by getting another one herself. I was to drop by her place for her birthday, and that is what I still intended to do.
Emotional reactions can occur when an individual “ chooses to react emotionally rather than react adaptively to a situation”. (Mascolo & Griffin, 149) And this is indeed what I chose. So on that celebrative day, I arrived at her place which was full of guests, most of them whom I knew. As I entered, I could feel a change come over me. I felt surly, annoyed, and vindictive. I behaved moodily with the guests, ignored my friend (besides a brief ‘ happy birthday’), and left early despite pleas to stay. I even skipped out on handing her the gift, thinking to myself that she already had one. I under no circumstance expected myself to behave the way I did, nor did I in anyway plan to. I expected to be perhaps a bit cool with her, but to this degree I did not imagine I could go.

Cited Works
Mascolo, Michael F. Griffin, Sharon. “ What develops in emotional development?” Plenum Press, New York 1998