How to become a folk singer essay

The intricacies of the arcane process of becoming a folk singer To achieve success in the field of commercial folk music you must do the following: gather experience, find a good manager, adjust your appearance, and find a good songwriter. But, before even thinking of becoming one you need to make sure you meet the following prerequisites: one, you come from a rural surrounding, preferably from a small village in the mountains with next to no opportunities for a decent education, or any kind of intellectual advancement whatsoever, and two, your intelligence coefficient is very small, preferably bellow seventy. Although there have been folk singers with an IQ of above said number, they have not achieved major success in the field.

If you do not meet these requirements, abandon all hope that you might one day become a folk singer; if you do, proceeded to the steps that follow. First, because your career begins at a local inn, tavern, pub or any other similar fine and respectable establishment, you need to approach the owner of said establishment and let him or her know that you are interested in entertaining the audience, with your voice, for a minimum wage. Knowing that you will work for next to nothing, he or she will hire you, but this should not bother you as this is just the beginning of your carrier and it is almost impossible to earn as much money as respectable folk stars do. This is necessary in order to obtain the first of the necessary ingredients you will need to become a folk singer, and that is experience.

The long sleepless nights spent entertaining besotted patrons at a local inn will ensure that you are ready for the difficult, mind-numbing process of becoming a folk singer. Then, after many years of arduous labor you will be well known by the local rural community and, therefore, will attract potential managers. These will take ninety percent of what little earnings you already have, but you must endure as this is a necessary step in completing the task you aspire to, and that is becoming a famous folk singer. The manager will make sure that you are kept up to date with the newest trends in the world of folk music, he will be the one who communicates with owners of various establishments and, in essence, he will make sure you are kept busy. In turn, this will increase your experience, which is the basic ingredient to success, and give you a general feeling as to how things work in the world of commercial folk music. Once your manager has earned enough of your money, he will use it to begin your transformation, or he will run away with it.

If the latter of the two aforementioned outcomes occurs, repeat the previous (second) step of the process. If not, you will receive esthetic surgery to smoothen those rough edges that rural life brings. Afterwards, if you are male, you will receive an Armani suit from your manager, likely bought at a local shop. If you are female, you will receive a gown appropriate to your stature, and you will be instructed in how to best utilize the more subtle feminine charms that such a dress brings. Lastly, after you have gathered all the necessary ingredients, it is time for you to make your very own record.

To do that, you will need a songwriter. The songwriter will regard you as an endless well of inspiration, and he or she will make sure that all the songs he writes for you go with your style. Therefore, you can be sure that all the songs he or she writes will be as simple, as degrading, and as mundane as they can be. The songwriter will write from seven to twelve songs for you which you will sing in a studio. Those songs will be heavily edited using state-of-the-art technology to make your voice sound like that of a nightingale, but make no mistake – your live performance will remain unchanged.

After this has been done, you are ready for your first appearance on national television, which, by default, means that you have become a famous, well respected folk singer. By following these simple steps (acquire experience, find a manager, adjust appearance, and find a songwriter) you will ensure your success in the fine field of commercial folk singing. It is no simple process, and you may have to repeat several of the aforementioned steps before attaining success, but with hard work nothing is impossible, even becoming a famous folk s