Conflict management in relationships

It is good b/c it reminds us that a strong connection underlines even a disagreement. As conflict is unavoidable:; we should develop constructive ways to deal. B. Conflict May Be Expressed Overly or Covertly Overt is out in the open & explicit; deal in direct straightforward manner Covert are expressed indirectly 1. Passive aggression Punishes another person without acceptingresponsibilityfor the punishment. It undercuts the possibility of honest healthy relationships 2. Covert conflict Often happens when people express their feelings about disagreements indirectly. Deliberately doing something to hurt or upset another. Expressing anger indirectly means the conflict is covert C.

Social Groups Shape the Meaning of Conflict Behavior Cultural membership & colonization in particular social communities affect how we view and respond to conflict. D. Conflict Can Be Managed Well or Poorly Range from physical attack to verbal aggression to collaborative problem solving. Each message may resolve differences. Some methods are preferable to others. One main reason conflict is poorly handles is that it often involves intense feelings which man people don’t know how to identify or express E. Conflict Can Be Good For Individuals & Relationships Though it tends to be thought of as negative, conflict is beneficial in a number of ways.

When managed properly, helps us grow as individuals, deepen our insight into our ideas & feelings, allows us to see Poss. other than our own, enhances relationships & deepens understanding of catheter Ill. There are three basic orientations people have toward conflict. A. Lose-lose approach Conflict results in losses for everyone; unhealthy & destructive to relationships. Lose-lose assumes the conflict is inevitably negative. People who adopt it try to avoid conflict at all costs This approach works well when we are trying to figure out if we need to engage in conflict, especially if the issue is less important than others. B. A win-lose approach One person wins at the expense of the other.

People who see this way think that disagreements are battles & can have only 1 victor. Places value on individualism, self-assertion, and competition. Not common in cultures that prioritize cooperation, keep others from failing, finding areas of agreement C. A win-win approach Usually ways to resolve differences so that everyone gains. A good solution is one that everyone finds satisfactory. People who adopt win-win often discover solutions previously UN-thought of b//c they are committed to their own & others’ satisfaction. Sometimes the result of compromises provide confirmation & protect thehealthof the relationship IV. Most people have relatively consistent patterns they employ to respond to conflict. A.

We use exit responses when We see conflicts as a win-lose situation may exit physically or psychologically if they think the will lose the argument Although sometimes setup to Dread Trot ten conflict to cool or, It tents to be destructive. As a forceful way to avoid conflict, it is active B. We use neglect responses when we think the escalating disagreement will harm everyone or the person thinks they will lose if the conflict progresses C. We useloyaltyresponses when focusing on what is good & desirable about the relationship & minimizing its problems. Loyalty is silent allegiance & doesn’t actively address conflict so it is a passive response. Preserves relationship, is constructive in the short term. Likely to spring from a lose-Lose orient towards conflict.

Believe disagreement hurts all, may remain loyal to relationship & not try to work through differences D. We use voice responses when we address a conflict directly & attempt to resolve. Tend to ID problems or tensions & assert desire to deal with them. Is the most constructive way of responding to conflict. Fostered by win -win V. Thecommunicationpattern we choose during conflict can help or hinder the relationship. A. Ineffective communication Can hurt individuals, damage relationships & undermine the possibility or resolving problems. Unproductive Communication Patterns reflect a reoccupation with oneself and disregard for the other. As a result, communication tends to be negative 1.

Early in the process, we use communication that discussions the other person. 2. Cross-complaining happens when one person’s complaint is met by a counter complaint. 2. Once a negative climate has been established, we maintain it by engaging in additional negative communication (e. G. , strengthening). 3. In the later stages of the conflict, all parties feel the pressure to resolve the conflict, usually on their own terms rather than taking the other person’s proposals into account. B. Constructive communication during conflict creates a supportive positive climate, increases the possibility of resolving differences without harming the relationship 1.

Prior to the conflict, people confirm each other by recognizing and acknowledging each other’s concerns and feelings; when the conflict arises, they know that they are both working together to come up with a solution. 2. In the middle stages, everyone focuses on the specific issues at hand and eliminates all potential distractions, including previous conflicts. Bracketing Noting an issue arising in the course of the conflict that should be discussed later. Allows partners to confirm each other’s concerns by agreeing to deal with them later 3. In the later stages, both partners engage in contracting, building a solution through negotiation & acceptance of parts of proposals VI.

There are several skills that are essential for effective conflict management, including attending to the relationship level of meaning; communicating supportively; listening mindfully; taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and issues; checking perceptions; looking for points of agreement; looking for ways to preserve the other person’s face; and imagining how o will feel in the future. VI’. Conflict management skills A. Attend to the relationship level of the meaning. We need to focus on the entire system in which communication occurs rather than Just on the conflict or disagreement. B. Communicate supportively. Monitor your communication. If we care about the other person and our relationship, we should aim for a win-win approach. C. Listen mindfully. D. Take responsibility for your thoughts, issues, and feelings. E. Check perceptions. F.

Look for points of agreement. LOOK Tort ways to preserve tenet e n RSI race. H. Imagine how you’ll feel in the future. VIII. Guidelines for effective communication during conflict. A. Focus on the Overall Communication System- Conflict is part of the larger whole & we must make the whole healthy B. Time Conflict Purposefully- Timing affects how we communicate about conflicts. 3 ways to use Chronics I. Try not to engage in serious conflict discussions when one or both people will not be fully ‘present’ it. Considerate & constructive to deal with conflict when each can talk constructively about the problem. Iii. Use to promote positive conflict (bracketing) C.

Tit-n For Win- If you enter conflict with the assumption that you, they & the relationship will benefit, you will likely bring a better resolution for all D. Honor Yourself, Your Partner & The Relationship It is important to keep all 3 In balance, especially in conflict. Communication is impossible if we disregard or demean the other persons needs & feelings E. Show Grace When Appropriate Grantingforgiveness& putting aside our own needs even thought there is no standard saying that we should or must do so. Also isn’t allowing others to have their way when we have no choice. Involves letting go of anger, blame & Judgments and is given without strings