Your love is not enough english literature essay

Kayla JohnsonPsyc. 361. 001Book Report: (200 pts possible)BeginningDevelopingCompetentAccomplishedPart I: Summary (100 pts)60-69 pts70-79 pts80-89 pts90-100 ptsPart II: Integration (100 pts.)60-69 pts70-79 pts80-89 pts90-100 ptsSafe Assign: Late (-20)Inappropriate Book (-10 to 60 pts)Reference inaccurate (-1 to 5)Improper format (- 1 to 10 pts)Poor grammar (- 1- 10 pts)

Summary of Chapters

Light Bulb On: In chapter one of For Women Only, the author mentions things that she had recently learned about men. The first chapter is basically an introduction to the rest of the book. The book mentions seven revelations to clarify any misconceptions and to help each woman to understand men a little bit better. The seven revelations are: men need respect, men are insecure, men are providers, men want more sex, men are visual, men are not unromantic clods, and men care about appearance. Your Love Is Not Enough: Chapter two talks about how most men would rather be unloved and lonely than to be disrespected. Men are wired with a need for respect and affirmation. However, women are the exact opposite, because some feel that it’s more critical to be loved than it is to be respected. If a man feels disrespected, then he’s going to feel unloved. A woman wants her man to love her unconditionally, even if she’s not being loveable. In the same way, our man also needs for us to demonstrate our respect for him whether he’s meeting your expectations or not. The author talks of how we, as women, believe that love should be unconditional and that people must earn our respect. However, the Bible says we need to unconditionally respect our husbands. We must choose to trust and respect men, and even God says so. The author goes on to talk of the five needs of respect that men require. The needs are to: respect his judgment, respect his abilities, respect in communication, respect in public, and respect in our assumptions. The Performance of a Lifetime: Chapter three talks about the performance of a lifetime which boils down to the fact that men have a sense of insecurity and the fear of messing up. Men have a fear of becoming or being described as an ” imposter”. Men always want to conquer new things. Men want the challenge but they also know that they may even risk humiliation. They are able to use that fear of failure as something to motivate them to do better, but that’s not always the case. Feldhahn says that men worry. They worry about being able to provide the adequate things for their wife/girlfriend and family. Followed up in the chapter the author began speaking about how sex can play a big role in this, too. Feldhahn found that many men said that they felt the best support and affirmation when they had a great sex life because it built them up. The chapter finished up by saying if we as women support the men then we give them the confidence and ” the belief that he can slay dragons.” The Loneliest Burden: Chapter four is about how men feel a burden to be able to provide for women. A man’s identity at the core is being the role of a provider. Men have a strong sense of wanting to be able to be dependable and even depended on. They want to be able to take care of the ones they love in the best way that they can. Women can be insensitive to a man’s fear, without even realizing it. Feldhahn said that there are ways that we can help make the situations better. We should reconsider previous conflicts or issues, appreciate the struggles and tough choices that men may face, evaluate our own issues, and even help relieve any pressure by being supportive and even appreciative of all he carries. Sex Changes Everything: Chapter five’s subtitle is: why sex unlocks a man’s emotions. Women are the holder of the key to that door! The chapter speaks about how important sex is to men and how a lot of women don’t realize how important it is to them. The author stated that the media makes men out to be sex-obsessed beings with no emotions or feelings. Sex makes a man feel desired and worthy. Sex is the strongest form of support that women can give their husbands. The chapter even goes on to tell how men feel a sense of rejection from their wife when they say ” no” to sex because it makes them feel rejected as a being. If his wife continually rejects him then it can result in him feeling less confident, isolated, and may even struggle with depression. Women might have no idea how they are damaging their husbands in this area. Keeper of the Visual Rolodex: Chapter six is all about how men are ” visual”. The author says how she didn’t realize how universal this temptation is for men. By being visual, it means that men are drawn to images of women in person and in even emotions. Men can’t not look at women that they think are attractive, and it’s as if they can sense an attractive woman’s presence nearby. The chapter goes on to say how men possess a mental rolodex full of ” sensual images”. Some images have been involuntarily scorched to their brains. These images can even come without a warning. For teenage boys, it happens very much all the time. For guys in their twenty-something’s, it happens just about all the time. As men grow older, they have become more steady and the thoughts come with even less of an occurrence. We must remember that temptation is not a sin, but how we respond is a completely different story. It takes great strength and even greater discipline for any man to stay committed to purity in this day and age, and we all need to understand that. A man’s desire to look at a woman is simply admiration of something that is beautiful. Men are more vulnerable especially when they are ” Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (HALT).” Women need to realize how modesty is helpful for both the women and all the men around them. God made everything good. Chocolate, Flowers, Bait Fishing: In chapter seven, it speaks about men actually being romantics. The author found that men really do want romance, but they are hesitant because they fear failure. They are scared they will fail, so sometimes they usually do nothing. She also found that men usually like the traditional candlelight dinner type, while other men actually want to go out and do active things. Women usually like to do more relaxed things, such as a candlelight evening and maybe snuggling together watching a movie. However, Feldhahn found that for men, an evening isn’t always as romantic to them without making love. It plays a more vital role than women realize. The Truth about the Way You Look: The author basically states at the beginning at chapter eight that this is the most important chapter because men care about the way that their significant other takes care of themselves and how they look. One man being interviewed basically said that if his wife didn’t take care of herself, dressed sloppy all the time, never exercised, and had no energy to go out, then he would feel as if she’s choosing not to do anything that would be important to her husband. This doesn’t mean that we as women HAVE to be a size three, but we need to at least make an effort to take care of ourselves. Men shouldn’t only have to love us for what is on the inside, the outside does matter. A lovely and good looking wife that takes the time to care for her outside is more pleasing for a man to look at than some other woman. Words for Your Heart: In chapter nine, the author says that the things found in this chapter are the most important discovery that she has found. She asked, ” What is the one thing that you wish your wife/significant other knew, but you feel you can’t explain to her or tell her?” She found that the number one answer was ” How much I love her.” She thought they would vent or complain about their significant other, but the majority of the men just want the women to know how much they love them. For women, knowing that they are loved is what they need most. One man replied to the question, ” It is so true, that behind every great man is a great woman. There are a lot of men out there who are mediocre, simply because their wives will not support them and bring them to greatness. And there are a lot of mediocre men who are destined to become great men—who are becoming great men—because their wives love and support them.”

Integration and Personal Reflection

Before reading this book I honestly thought I understood men. I always hear that women are hard to understand, but I always argued the opposite. I wish I had read this book a few years ago. At the time I was in a relationship where I just didn’t understand why this guy was doing and not doing some of the things. I couldn’t figure out why he always looked at girls that may have been a little chesty or they have been showing a little too much skin. I felt like I was being disrespected because we had been together for a couple of years. Now after reading the chapter about how men are visual makes sense. I was always told by my mom, ” guys are visual so be careful,” but I would always wave it off because I didn’t entirely know what that meant. Now I understand what that means. They can’t help to not look whether they think this girl is really attractive or not. After reading this book, it made me realize some of the things I was doing wrong in past relationships. I tend to be very independent and I had a hard time with wanting help on certain things and now I know how my ex-boyfriend must have felt! I was disrespecting him without even trying to or even realizing it. I think I started doing it more without even realizing it and it created tension between us. I believe that may have been a factor as to why we broke up. Nonetheless, I never realized how I was disrespecting a guy but doing something myself or not asking for their help when I could have used it. Of course, I’m not married so not everything can apply to me at this moment but I will definitely be able to apply this in the future whenever I do get married. I think this will be a book that I go back to regularly to help me through some hard things in my marriage. I hope that there won’t be hard times, but the hard times are what make the relationship stronger. I think the chapter that hit me the most was the one titled ” Your Love is NOT Enough.” Like I stated earlier, I didn’t realize that I was not completely respecting my ex-boyfriend. I believed in him and believed that he was capable of doing so much, but I didn’t show it as much as I should have. We had a very fun/sarcastic relationship and I think I may have taken it too far sometimes. Chapter two says to respect him private and in public. I think that confused me at times because we would be hanging out in groups with our friends and everyone would be joking around. So, I of course would decide to join in. I think that it may have gotten to him and hurt his feelings when I wasn’t trying to make that happen. I also think that it may have made him lash out and start doing the same to me. That would end up really hurting my feelings and I would be upset with him afterwards, and I don’t think he realized how he was lashing out and attacking me for doing the same to him. I found it interesting that men don’t really say these things to women. I think if men weren’t as scared to say what was really on their mind it wouldn’t be a hassle or there may not even be much tension. For example, while I was dating my ex-boyfriend he wouldn’t really tell me what was bothering him or if something was wrong. If I asked, he would respond with a shrug and say, ” nothing,” but I could always tell when something was wrong. So maybe after a half hour to an hour full of bickering he would finally say this one little thing that was bothering him that I did. I can totally understand that some men don’t want to seem like jerks or they just don’t want to bring the woman down, but I think what they don’t understand is that we NEED to talk these things through and out whether someone is really listening or not and we even expect the men to do the same thing with us. After being together for a while, a woman expects a man to open up to her about anything that is bothering them or what’s on their mind. I think in a way it’s like a woman is being disrespected when they feel like the man doesn’t want to voice his problems to them. It’s true! We want to be there, want to try and fix things and even help if we can, but if the man will not cooperate then it’s as if we are being disrespected or we aren’t trustworthy enough to handle the information. On page 44 there was a quote that made so much sense to me. It said, ” The only time a guy’s guard is completely down is with the women he loves. So she can pierce his heart like no one else.” A man is touched by a few words, such as: ” I’m so proud of you.” If a man’s woman is supportive and believes in him, then he can conquer the world. He will do better at work and even at home. Very few men can do well at work or at home if their woman makes them feel inadequate. At the end of the book the author gives some additional resources for the reader to check out. I decided since I loved the book so much I would look it up. I went to her website forwomenonlybook. com and there was so much more detail about why she wrote this book. She said, ” I had no idea how clueless I was about men until I interviewed a bunch of them for my last novel. Initially, I just wanted a little insight so I could write my main (male) character. But pretty soon I found myself astonished, over and over again blurting out, ” That’s what you’re thinking?” So I did more interviews. After the novel hit shelves, dozens of women told me they also had been astonished by what I included. Clearly I wasn’t the only one who needed more insight on this!” All of this is so true! I feel as if most of the guys I have had conversations with automatically think that I understand them and I understand the way they act and think. However, even after reading this book I still don’t understand some of the weird things men do, but I don’t think they understand it either. It was hard to find something that I didn’t agree with or something that didn’t make me feel as if I have messed up all of my relationships in the past. I hope and pray that this book goes far in my life, because so far I can already tell that there are differences. I found this book to be very well as an advice/help book. Shaunti Feldhahn wasn’t telling the reader what you should do in the relationship, but how you should be acting in your marriage. She informs you in ways that encourages you. I really believe that this author wants the reader’s marriage/relationship to work. I truly enjoyed reading this because I also felt like by some of the things the author said was to lift up the reader who may be going through a hard time. I want to recommend this book to so many women that I know! I think this book has made a lasting impact on my life and my future relationship(s).