Self-disclosure gender and communication

Self-Disclosure, Gender, and Communication
In an article titled “ Can we talk?” it is evident that high rates of self-disclosure result in increased rates of marital satisfaction. This is the message that Nara Schoenberg, the author of the article, puts across to her readers. Written in January 2011, Schoenberg’s article focuses on a subject that most couples may choose to ignore. The purpose of the article is to show that there are issues of communication among couples and that communication is the key to smooth relationships or happy marriages.
Schoenberg (2011) argues that communication without self-disclosure in a relationship is not the key to a happy marriage because the people involved do not get to know each other from a personal perspective. She supports her arguments using evidence from other research studies such as the one conducted by a research scientist from the Institute for Social Research at Michigan University. Well, there are views that I support in her argument, but I do not agree with other statements. For example, in the beginning of the article Schoenberg (2011) says that based on the data obtained from a scientist who studied 373 married couples, a two-hour conversation may at times entail topics that are not of value. I disagree with the results obtained from this study because of two reasons. These are results that only present a section of the world’s couple population. Furthermore, it is my view that couples are very different and it is not all the couples who are in a position to have self-disclosure. Additionally, I think that by the time a couple is 20 or more years old, they are likely to have developed a way to communicate with each other even if they at times sit together and focus on topics that are not promoting self-disclosure.
Though that is the point that I do not readily agree with about Schoenberg’s article, she still manages to convince me that self-disclosure makes a partner feel loved, special and cared for, by the other partner. It is also true that men favor gestures and women favor verbal affirmations from their partners. As a person in a relationship, I support this view because I noted that my partner is always in a happy mood after she discloses to me about her fears, goals and values. In my experience, I also feel more appreciated when she surprises me with my favorite food or movies among other things. These are gender differences and I agree with Schoenberg (2011) because in chapter 2 of Beebe, Beebe, Remond and Geerinsk’s (2010) book, we learn that the masculine gender high interactive links connected to assertive communication and feminine orientation is closely connected to expressive communication. I agree that self-disclosure is extremely useful and results to satisfied couples, because both partners get to express what they like or fear most in their lives. It helps in bonding, and it is also important to remember because although such research shows differences in the way men and women communicate, both partners will always seek both the expressive and gesture affirmations.
Lastly, it is evident that Schoenberg’s article gathers such evidence from other studies to support a generalized idea that women and men like communicating differently. However, I believe that it is not all men who prefer communicating with their partners using gestures only without the verbal aspect of communication. For example, I do not fit into this generalization because I like telling my partner about my goals and targets. Hence, I believe that communication between two different people is dependent on how they feel about each other and not necessarily based on general statistics on behavioral attributes of other couples.
References
Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., Remond, M., & Geerinsk, T. (2010). “ Chapter 2: interpersonal communication begins with the self”. In Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others. Upper Saddle River: NJ: Pearson Prentice Hall.
Schoenberg, N. (2011, January 14). Can we talk?. Chicago Tribune. Retrieved from http://articles. chicagotribune. com/2011-01-14/features/sc-fam-0111-talk-relationship-20110111_1_happy-marriages-couples-marital-therapy