Pressured parents, coddled kids essay

In this new generation of kids, there is huge pressure to give your child the best of everything. Children are now being raised on pedestals, with all their needs being taken care of by their parents. Many children these days can have schedules representing those of an overworked CEO! So this raises the question, is all this attention setting up this generation of children for success? Or undermining them by causing anxiety and other problems when they finally leave home? Treating children in an overprotective and over-indulgent way will have a perverse effect on their development due to the fact that there may be a conflict of interest due to PPP (pressured parent phenomenon), Children learn at their own pace and that competition and pressure can present issues of anxiety and stress. Every parent wants to see their child excel and succeed, but when that feeling turns into obsession a conflict of interest can be created.

Parents need to be aware that children need to be children and that an earlier start does not necessarily mean their child will have it easier (Early milestones do not guarantee academic stardom. ) (Carl Honore, 59). In fact a study conducted in 2003 found that the children who attended school in Denmark, Finland concentrated better than their British counterparts although they begin formal schooling at the ages of 6-7 (2 years later then Britain). One does not become a good parent just because they follow a trend, but one can become a bad parent by doing this, especially if it becomes all about the parent. Parents can also be swayed by peer pressure from other parents. When all the other parents are enrolling their children in certain classes or activities, it can create a feeling of not taking care of one’s child unless they also enrol their child in the activity. When this happens it can affect the parents judgement, and they may even enrol their child in the activity even if they know he/or she will probably not like it.

A more extreme case of parental control can be found in Carl Honore’s book “ Under pressure, rescuing childhood from the culture of hyper-parenting”. A doctor in Sao Paulo, Brazil, tells how a sixteen-year-old girl recently broke down on his operating table just before the anaesthetic was administered. “ She was sobbing and asking why her parents couldn’t just accept her face the way it was, so we sent her straight home,” he says. “ Her mother was furious” (Carl Honore, 11). What will become of society when everything about ourselves becomes controlled by our parents? In order to succeed in society Children need to be able to have space to explore, learn and gain self-confidence. Children need to be able to feel independent, and having freedom allows for a learning experience which can be simulated in any other way. A study conducted by Harry Harlow (University of Wisconsin psychologist) found that when monkeys were given puzzles to solve, the monkeys would solve the puzzles for the pure enjoyment of doing so. However, when food (a reward) was added into the equation, the monkeys became violent and attacked the puzzles.

The food was actually acting as a distraction instead of motivating the monkeys to solve the puzzle. This leads into something known as the human motivation theory, or intrinsic motivation. The human motivation theory is what drives us to do things just for the sake of doing it. Why is it when psychologist Adele’s eskeles Gottfried of California state university Northridge gave questionnaires to children ages 9-13 she concluded that when the children enjoyed academics they scored better on standardized achievement exams? It was because the children were more motivated to learn since they had enjoyed the experience. Another study conducted by Psychologist carol Dweck of Stanford University found that Students only looking for good grades shy away from challenges, however if the students goal is learning they are more likely to face challenges. This simply goes to show that Children can thrive without all the extracurricular courses, simply by learning at their own pace. Hyper parenting can cause a lot of pressure for both child and parent.

Under pressure a child is not able to perform their best and it can cause anxiety and mental disorders. Domisch Rainer, a German education expert has lived in Finland for almost 30 years. He believes that Finland’s are so successful because of the fact they put children first instead of the priorities of parents. The Japanese government has also taken steps to help reduce stress on their students. Yutori Kyoiku (pressure-free education) revolution of 2002 cut school hours by a third (Carl Honore, 127). Japanese parents reported that it helped their children to think more critically, and they have more free time to rest, and hang out with friends.

Recent aptitude tests from grades 5-9 also showed that Japanese students scored higher in all 23 subjects (except for 7th grade math and social studies) (Carl Honore, 128). This lack of pressure seems to be the largest contributing factor. With more time to study and hang out with friends, Japanese students can relax and take it easier.

Another problem caused by hyper parenting is competition. When the parents become in control, it generally becomes all about grades. A 2007 UNICEF report found that Finnish children are the third happiest in the world. (Schools keep competition to a min. No Ap, children of all abilities kept together, testing low priority). It seems to be working as Finland is considered one of the leaders in education and every year is visited by almost 1, 500 foreign delegates from approximately 50 nations (Carl Honore, 122). Hyper parenting is a culture that needs to be challenged as it is pushing both parents and kids to the brink.

Hyper parenting may occur with all the best intentions in mind, or with some conflict of interest but either way it is not helping set children up for success. Children need freedom to have a chance to explore, learn and gain independence. Allowing children to learn at their own pace can help ease pressure and eliminate competition which can be bad for a child. When there is less pressure there is a greater desire for the child to learn and when there is less competition there is a greater motivation to improve one’s self. Simply ask 13 year old Patrick, student of Viertola school in Helsinki, Vantaa, Finland. “ I feel very lucky living in Finland b/c we do not worry all the time about exams and marks, Instead of competing with each other, we can compete with ourselves which is the best way to learn things.

”