A. Comments for Classmate 1: Summary/Response of “ Down and Out in Discount America” Summary
1) This summary is probably too short as it appears to omit many of Featherstone’s ideas and fails to capture the important themes explored by the author, such as the relationship between Wal-Mart’s target market and its strategy at cost-cutting business expenses, both of which involve poor women.
2) I think that it already makes an excellent use of attributive tags.
3) There are no quotations; the summary could benefit from inserting quotes from the author’s text particularly in the parts about the core arguments.
4) None, the summary is already easy to read as it is.
Response
1) I think that this response is well-organized and easily read although it has misplaced contractions, grammar mistakes, and misspelt words, which can be easily corrected by thoroughly proofreading the paper.
2) The body of the response does not follow the thesis that Featherstone’s “ article is more a call for activism and unionization then an indictment of Wal-Mart.” Perhaps the thesis could be reformulated to fit the point that the writer wants to make.
3) The writer makes too many assumptions in his arguments. First, he/she points out that contrary to Featherstone’s claim, “ Wal-Mart is not targeting the poor” by observing that “ the numbers merely reflect the national distribution of income,” but does not address the geographic or strategic locations of Wal-Mart stores in poor areas and communities which Featherstone presents as an evidence to back up her argument. It is as if the writer assumes that the “ national distribution of income” alone is enough indicator of Wal-Mart’s marketing strategy. Second, it is also explicitly assumed that “ the increase in salary and position is now accomplished by changing jobs” which, according to the writer, justifies Wal-mart’s practice of laying-off workers or the high turn-over of Wal-mart jobs and employees.
4) The writer could rethink the position about “ slavery being abolished” to assert that “ everyone has a choice” in terms of employment as it seems naïve; extreme poverty and lack of access to educational opportunities have been known to limit the choices people make, from the food they eat to the jobs they take on.
5) The writer has focus on substantiating most of his/her claims and to review the use of the second person which is not uniform with the rest of the essay.
B. Comments for Classmate 2: (Why Wal-Mart Works. A Response To Liza Featherstone)
Summary
1. Over-all, the summary is well-written and concise. The writer also makes a good point by stating how Liza Featherstone fails to mention Wal-Mart’s positive impact on local economies.
2. The writer could revise the way in which he/she refers to the author by the first name as it sounds too intimate.
3. The writer apparently misread Featherstone’s point about boycotts by writing that the author “ would like to see Wal-Mart being boycott.” I think that Featherstone clearly stated her point that a boycotts is bound to fail as a strategy against Wal-mart because of the poor’s dire need for stretching their meager resources which makes them choose Wal-mart over other stores.
4. None, except for the comments made previously.
Response
1. The writer could provide a mental outline for the audience in his/her thesis about the weak points in Featherstone’s argument that he/she addresses aside from the general point of Wal-mart’s economic benefits.
2. The writer could make the main topics more effective in introducing a theme or argument that he/she wishes to make. The supporting arguments should stick to the main idea of each paragraph.
3. I think that the response part suffers from unsound argumentation and logical fallacies. This evident in how the writer attempts to debunk the credibility of Liza Featherstone’s claims by stating that her article appears in a left-leaning publication, suggesting that Featherstone would have written in a different manner if she was being published in a right-wing paper.
4. The point about Wal-mart not faring well in a unionized environment appears to be a hasty generalization. The writer could make his/her case stronger by substantiating it with facts to support the contention that unionization is a primary factor in Wal-Mart’s losses in Germany. The same tendency for hasty generalization appears in the writer’s argument that unionization would result to an increased cost in management and therefore, an increased cost for the consumers.
5. The writer does a good job of pointing out the article’s weakness in providing the positive aspect of Wal-Mart operations in poor communities. However, the writer’s idea about Wal-Mart’s positive impact on local economies is vague and could use futher clarification as it begs asking the question of what Wal-mart’s monopolistic control over the lower-class market does to smaller businesses who cannot compete with the giant retailer’s enourmous capital resources.
