Mothers can also be selfish and hateful

Mothers can also be selfish and hateful Mothers are the synonym of all that is good. She is the nurturer who cherishes their children and raises themwith love that is undemanding and everlasting. But my mother, Stacy is not like that. She defiles the very meaning of mother and makes me cringe with shame and hatred. Unlike mothers of my friends, she continuously tries to belittle me in front of other people and physically abuses me on the slightest context. I crave for mother’s love but all I get is bad tempered, irresponsible and temperamental woman who gets vicarious pleasure by beating me. But still, she is my mother and despite all her fault and my hatred for her, I also admire her hardworking nature. Indeed, mothers not only nurture but they can also be violent and selfish.
I am 19 years female and only child of my mother, but I am still terrified of going home! I vividly remember that as a child, I was pampered by my father and was spoiled with gifts that were not appreciated by mother, even at that time. After my father left us, those very gifts had become the bane of my life. My mother uses those gifts as tools to beat me. I often wonder why she is not like other mothers who are so lovable. My friend, Linda says that her mother is like her friend and she shares all her secrets and hopes with her. I envy her. Stacy is like a possessed demon when I try to share my fears and hope with her. I think, after working hard, she looks for peace and my fears spook her.
Stacy is not only bad tempered but she is also irresponsible and a gambler. Roulette and cards are her favorite games where go for high stakes. Sometimes, she wins but mostly she loses and those times, she is most vicious, both physically and verbally. She is foul mouth and beatings start after a heavy binge of drinking. All through my childhood, I have been beaten and browbeaten to the extent that I have become a timid person with extremely low self-esteem. For a mother, who works hard to improve the lives of physically and mentally children, her behavior towards me is very perplexing.
We were quite well off but with her gambling habit and her intense attraction for new cars, it would not be long when we would be short of cash. As it is, now paying rent has also become a serious issue. But her irresponsible attitude and hyperactive temperament at home, makes it difficult for me to discuss the issue. The last time when landlord had come to collect the rent, she had threatened him with the vase! Later, it was used on me so I am now afraid to even broach the topic. I wonder if her hard work and devotion will always be for others and never for me?
If she can be sensitive to the needs of other children, what prompts her to be so cruel to me? At the age of 14, I was put in foster care when I was hospitalized with broken ribs, after my mother pushed me down the stairs in one of her fits of rage. She is the living example of all that should not be part of being a mother. I have shared my doubts and feelings with Linda, who is my close friend. She says counseling would help her and meanwhile I should concentrate on her good points. So I keep thinking about her devoted work for the physically challenged children.
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