Matters of the heart faced by everyone

We have all experienced this, the thrill of chasing and being chased. It is simply human nature. We meet someone and we have a good conversation, exchange of numbers and then everything is going smooth but suddenly in person starts to lose interest and leaves the other person wondering what may have gone wrong. Surprising enough the person who has lost interest may have found renewed interest in another. Usually, when someone shows a lot of interest in you, it shows that the person has the desire to be intimate with you but some of us feat intimacy. To us, intimacy brings vulnerability and vulnerability brings about the possibility of being hurt and so we protect ourselves from the hurt by pulling away.

Unfortunately, the more a person pulls away, the more the person is desired. As human we want what we can’t have. The higher the value, the higher the demand, it is simple economics, man’s need is insatiable. We perceive someone who is unattainable as being too good and too good is just good enough for us. It is a never ending cycle and it plays out a lot in movies; a character is in love with someone who is in love with another. This is because as humans we have come to associate courting with chasing. We enjoy the thrills and lows that comes with it. This makes us perceive someone who is interested in us as being “ silly”. What could they have possibly seen in us to want us? They perhaps must be glad or less valued to desire us. A part of us feels unworthy of love, of being desired. We are so insecure and have no self confidence that someone may actually want us or love us. This could be as a result of family background or past relationships.

It is a natural impulse for us to want a partner who is unequivocally valuable. Nothing good comes easy right? Once we meet someone who appears to be successful, we instantly percieve them as a challenge, a trophy that must be won. Put ego driven mind forces us to give it a go. Loving someone is not enough anymore. Being in love has merely changed to being in awe of someone. The goal today is to make someone fall crazy in love with us. We are convinced that true love never comes without a fight and the emotionally unavailable individual who loves to be out of reach is the holy Grail must of us and so we are thrilled to engage in the never ending sadistic game of hard-to-get.

What we don’t know is that much attention can be perceived as a desperation or lack of independence. Just like it is human nature to love the thrills that comes with a chase, so also it is to love the suspense that comes with mystery. Holding back a bit shows maturity and maturity is a desirable trait. Relationships takes time to grow, give it all the time it deserves. Truth is no matter how much we crave an actual relationship, most of us mess it up by ourselves when we finally meet someone with genuine intention.

If there is one thing I have learnt from relationships, it is that humans are not predictable. One minute he s calling and texting a lot and the next he is acting so indifferent. Hold your cool and don’t go sending tons of text messages. Eager texters are sometimes perceived as desperate and dependent.

Love and attraction is not the same as being fascinated by someone. For some reasons we would rather seek out rejection than have affection from a lesser valued person. It goes thus, if someone likes us too much we think there is something wrong with them, if someone likes us enough, we think we can do better and if someone doesn’t like us, we feel undeserved and seek validation to start chasing them.

Why not go ahead and wear the garment of self confidence and attach some self worth to yourself. We should teach ourselves to believe that the reasons me is interested in us is because we are amazing and they find us beautiful just the way we are.