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Journal #6

You My self-defeating Behaviour Pattern One of my self-defeating behaviours is that I rarely meet my personal targets. Although a hard working student, both in school and outside, I really find it hard to do what I am supposed to do to completion in order to realize the end result. Firstly, on realization that I have a talent in writing, I embarked on writing poems and short stories hoping that one day I would put them in a single collection and have them published. However, I reached a point where I got bored with it and threw the whole project into the dust bin. Secondly, I had realized that in order to be the best student in Mathematics, I have to do a lot of practice on a daily basis. I resolved to create my own time to be doing this so as not to interfere with other plans of the day. My resolve was to be waking up at 4. 00 am every day instead of 5. 00. Within that time, my scores improved tremendously. However, after two terms, I grew weary and got bored and slowly by slowly let go of the good practice. I am now back to the average student that I was. This was mainly caused by laziness and the spirit of giving up quickly and it may have a negative impact to my future prospects. If I improve on it, I am sure I can proper to the highest level within my fields of interest.
My self-defeating thought patterns
One of my self-defeating thought patterns is that that I always think that I will never make it to the best footballer I once dreamed I will be. With such a noble dream in mind, I keep trying my best in the field; do extra drills than my other team members, watch stars play and try to forge an identity with them, but something always tells me that this is all in vain. Although an average player, I know that if I work hard I can emerge the star that I always dream to be. However, these noble thoughts are always shattered away by this disheartening thought that always reminds me of my failing destiny. Whenever this thought comes, I find myself not doing my best. I once lost a clean penalty kick that would determine whether our team wins or not when this thought emerged in my mind at that time. Such feelings come about to the ease with which I relent. I feel that I will be always a loser if such feelings keep coming to me. However, I am bound to improve and come out as a successful person if I work hard to overcome them.

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