I think I have heart problems. I’m scared to tell my mom because I don’t want to worry her . My heart feels like it stops . And then it hurts when I try to breathe. Delete edit I cut my nails because I tend to hurt myself when they’re long I can’t take it anymore . So I met this guy last week. And I’m starting to like him more and more each day. He’s got me thinking about him 2417 . All day everyday . Ha. I am seriously blobbing about him an awful lot. I wish I could tell him in person , but I’m scared to x) . I think it’s best to keep it to myself . He. I post a lot when I start to like someone. Seriously too.
Every post I see relates o how I feel. It likes knows when I’m in love Note to self. Don’t get too attached. You’ll Just end up getting hurt. Its got me wondering. What would happen if I Just died tomorrow. It makes me wonder who would actually show up at my funeral. I bet 3/4 of the people wouldn’t even cry, they Just show up because they have to or have nothing else to do. Is it bad that I sometimes want commit suicide? I always think IM useless. Im Just using up space in the world that somebody else could be using. No one’s told me I’m worth it. I also think IM ugly as buck. I hate my face. Hate my body and everything else about me.
My self esteem is so owe that I think suicide is the best solution to solve my problems. The only reason why I’m still here today is because “ him” and my bestrides. They make me happy. Why Me? Why did he choose me? Out of all the girls I was the one who caught his attention. I know IM not the prettiest or smartest girl out there so then why did he choose me? I seriously believe IM ugly as f. What caught his attention I really want to know. I remember seeing him the first time thinking ” holy chit, that guy is cute but I know he’ll NEVER talk to me” and now we’re closer than ever.. It’s surprising. I never knew we’d end up like this.
I always thought we would Just be strangers in class and never making eye contact and stuff. I’m Just there. But now everything has changed. I remember going through my depressing stage in the beginning of the school year.. Wow. The year has gone by fast. I hope I don’t have to go through that chit again. What If? What if I’m not g enough for him? What if another girl comes along and he Just leaves. What if he wakes up one day thinking ” I don’t like her anymore ” I’m scared.. I seriously hope he’s different. I’m scared to get my heart broken again. This would be like my 3rd time. They say third time’s always the charm. I sure hope it is.
I seriously hope to stay with him all of highlights. He’s not like the others. I can actually be myself around him.. Im seriously scared to death of what would happen if we weren’t going to be together. I always have nightmares about it. And I’m terrified as f. I like him a whole lot. More than I liked the other guys.. He gives me butterflies. Just hearing his name makes me blush. Oh god I got it bad. Am I in love or some chit. If it weren’t for the L. A project we wouldn’t have met in the first place. I’m glad that God decided to make us meet. Butterflies. I’m always excited to go to fourth period.. Ha..