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Dialectal entry of ordinary people essay

The small seed of despair cracks open and sends experimental tendrils upward to the fragile skin of calm holding him together. Are You on the Right Road? ” P. 2 Only hope is holding Conrad together. “ But he cannot relax, because today is a Target Date. Tuesday, September 30. One month, to the day, that he has been home. And what are you doing Garrett? Asking weird questions like From what? Toward what? Questions without answers. Undermining. A serious affliction. Worse than acne, worse, even, than an unidentifiable rash. So what the hell kind of cure was that? ” P. 4

This is showing that Conrad is not still well and he panics and is nervous about what life is like in the real world. “ Vaguely he can recall a sense of calm, of peace, that he had laid claim to on leaving the hospital. There were one or two guiding principles to get him through the day. Some ambitious plans, also, for putting his life in order. But the details have somehow been lost. If there ever were any. ” P. 5 Conrad is still afraid of what life is like outside of the hospital life. Chapter 2: “ He turns his attention to his beard. Every morning the same face, the same thoughts. A good time to take stock, though.

Calvin Garrett, forty-one, U. S. Citizen, tax attorney, husband, father. Orphaned at the age of eleven. ” P. 7 His life has been the same consistent pattern and there is no new way to it until the worst happened. “ Responsibility. That is fatherhood. You cannot afford to miss any signs, because that is how it happens: somebody holding too much inside, somebody else missing signs. ” Being a father is difficult and when times get tough it is the hardest Job he will have. “ He was supporting his family, his boys, in style: whatever they needed, whatever they wanted, they got. He had arrived. He was here.

Not bad for the kid from the Evangelical Home. ” P. 10 Even though he had a tough upbringing, his life now is what he made of it. Successful. Chapter 3: “ In the early morning, the room is his enemy; there is danger in Just being awake. Here, looking up, it is a refuge. He imagines himself safely inside; in bed, with the covers pulled up. Asleep. Unconscious. ” P. 14-15 Getting up each morning is the most difficult thing for Conrad because he has nothing to live for since loosing his brother. “ Haven’t lost your sense of humor after all but your sense of identity is what seems to have been misplaced.

No. Wrong. You don’t lose what you never had. ” P. 15 Conrad never lost his humor but his identity has disappeared. He never lost who he was but it can be misplaced. “ Wrong. There is a need. To regain his spot on the swim team, to get back into choir again, there are no choices at all, Just endless motion. ” P. 19 Conrad has a need to start trying again, he needs his life to go back to the way it was. “ It is like the hole in your mouth where a tooth was and you cannot keep your tongue from playing with it. ” P. 24 Conrad cannot stop thinking about what happened and what life WAS like.

Chapter 4 : “ Then, are we going to live like this? With it always hanging over our heads? P. 30 The family does not what to live with this pain forever but it won’t go away without trying to forget. “ Riding the train gives him too much time to think, he has decided. Too much thinking can ruin you. ” P. 31 The father does not want to over think what had happened because it is slowly destroying the family. “ He does not believe himself to be innocent. It has to be his fault, because fault equals responsibility equals control equals eventual understanding. How things happened.

Why they happened. So where is the fault? Is it in believing that the people you love are immortal? Untouchable? ” P. 34 The father thinks that it is his fault that the son was killed. The people who you love are not immortal, that anything can happen to them. Chapter 5: “ At the end of the hall is a doorway with light behind it. He goes to it.

Chapter 16: “ He has concluded , on this crisp and sunny day in January, that what his life lacks is Organization. Goals. Standing at his desk, his foot on the chair, he gazes out of his bedroom window, pondering, making rapid notes. ” P. 130 The father knows that his life isn’t right, that something is what is used to be. He is raying to change what happened. “ Lists. Buck used to find the scraps of notes on his desk; those stern, written commands to himself to shape up. He could cop them and they would show up, folded inside his napkin at dinner, or taped to the mirror in the bathroom. The Great Listener is at it again, folks! ‘ he would tease him. Reverting to old ways–does that signify a moving backward, or forward? ” P. 133 The father does not know if how he was before is helping him move forward in life or if he is living the past. ” ‘ That box,’ he says. ‘ l feel like I’ve been in it forever. Everybody looking in, to see how you’re doing. Even when they’re on your side, they’re still looking in. Like, nobody can get in there with you. ‘ ” P. 138 Everyone is looking from the outside but they don’t know what it’s like on the inside.

Chapter 17: ” ‘ I’m getting a feeling from you,’ he says, ‘ of heavy guilt. About missing the signals. Am I right? ‘ eyes,’ Cal says, ‘ sure. ‘ It is easier now that Burger’s back is to him. He hadn’t realized it was the eyes that were making him nervous. ‘ You don’t have something like that happen and not feel the responsibility. ‘” P. 146 He knows that something is wrong with Conrad but he is afraid that he missed all the signs to help him. Hell, all life is accident, every bit of it–who you fall in love with, what grabs you, and what you do with it. ” p. 46_7 Life is what you make of it, things happen but you must get through it with clear eyes. Chapter 18: “ Anyway, a person who performs these Joyless and ritualistic sex acts upon himself, this is what he deserves. ” P. 156 The way that Conrad gives out is how he will receive. Chapter 19: “ The answer to what? Life, reduced to the simplest of terms. Formulas. Get away for a while. Everything works out for the best. ” P. 160 Life isn’t simple, but running away will not help. “ People are born. Then they die. In between, they perform a lot of pathetic and more- or-less meaningless actions. P. 162 When you are born, you begin your life. Your life is what you make of it until you die. “ The fear behind the fear of losing people is that there might have been something you could have done to prevent it. ” P. 162 Even though what had happened is not the families fault, their fear of losing their child could have been prevented if they were less careless. “ One thing for sure, Ray is not right. Life is not a series of pathetic, meaningless actions. Some of them are so far from pathetic, so far from meaningless as to be ended reason, maybe beyond forgiveness. ” P. 63 Life isn’t meaningless if you believe it isn’t. Chapter 20: “ On the way home he allows his hand to slide across the seat , encounter hers and hold it lightly while she talks. ” P. 170 This is the first time in a very long time that Conrad is out on a date and feels like there is a connection. There is no pain. Chapter 21: “ Safety and order. Definitely the priorities of his life. He is not a man inclined toward risk. There. A definition at last. I’m a man who believes in safety. ” P. 173 Cal knows that he is not one to take risks and he knows that what happened was to his fault because there was no risk involved. She had referred to him after the very first meeting as Arnold Fagin; had never missed an opportunity to point out the ways that Arnold worked to control him. To own him, she said. Between those two whom he loved, he had tried to wedge his own wants, his own needs, sitting nervously on the fence. It hadn’t worked. ” P. 174 His mother tried to get what she wanted by playing with both of the men’s minds, but it didn’t work out in her favor. “ It seems that he had quietly and simply, one day, turned it off. Before it had gotten started. Priorities again. Safety and order. Infidelity is a dangerous business.

People get hurt. ” P. 175 Cal is afraid of getting hurt again so he begins to help his family by making them safer, but it is Just hurting them more and more. Chapter 22: “ He lets him pull out first, holding himself tight, control is all, he will not, will not. Not here. Not again. ” P. 182 Conrad doesn’t want to show his friends that he is in pain. “ Waiting is part of the punishment. ” P. 185 Waiting for anything hurts. Conrad wants to hurt himself, each and every punishment he does to himself makes him wait for the next. Chapter 23: He passes a sign, high off the highway and to his left: Are you on the right road?

In the shape of a cross, leaves and flowers entwined around it. “ P. 186-7 He does not know if he is on right road in his life, if it is the one he should stay on or get off of. “ In the end that does more to separate people than unite them. People don’t like to be told things. There has to be a way of getting a message across, without setting yourself up as a holy man. But, shouldn’t the need to send the message be proof enough that you are not a holy man? ” P. 187 You do not need to be a saint or a prophet to tell someone that you have potential, UT some may not believe you and could ruin their lives as well as yours.

Chapter 24: “ He reads this as a statement of his good health. Today he is capable of improvement. ” P. 194-195 The doctor is telling Conrad that he is stable, but on the inside he knows that he isn’t. Chapter 25: “ l know,’ Audrey says, ‘ that you have to be careful with Beth. I mean, emotion is her enemy. She wants everything to go smoothly to go right. You know. The way she’s planned it. ‘” P. 203 Beth is an emotional mess and she wants to continue life as it was before but it does not work that way. “ He remembers Carols Laziness’s words at lunch that day. She’s a perfectionist.. She never lets herself get trapped.. The small seed of despair cracks open and sends experimental tendrils upward to the fragile skin of calm holding him together. Are You on the Right Road? ” P. 2 Only hope is holding Conrad together. “ But he cannot relax, because today is a Target Date. Tuesday, September 30. One month, to the day, that he has been home. And what are you doing Garrett? Asking weird questions like From what? Toward what? Questions without answers. Undermining. A serious affliction. Worse than acne, worse, even, than an unidentifiable rash. So what the hell kind of cure was that? ” P. 4

This is showing that Conrad is not still well and he panics and is nervous about what life is like in the real world. “ Vaguely he can recall a sense of calm, of peace, that he had laid claim to on leaving the hospital. There were one or two guiding principles to get him through the day. Some ambitious plans, also, for putting his life in order. But the details have somehow been lost. If there ever were any. ” P. 5 Conrad is still afraid of what life is like outside of the hospital life. Chapter 2: “ He turns his attention to his beard. Every morning the same face, the same thoughts. A good time to take stock, though.

Calvin Garrett, forty-one, U. S. Citizen, tax attorney, husband, father. Orphaned at the age of eleven. ” P. 7 His life has been the same consistent pattern and there is no new way to it until the worst happened. “ Responsibility. That is fatherhood. You cannot afford to miss any signs, because that is how it happens: somebody holding too much inside, somebody else missing signs. ” Being a father is difficult and when times get tough it is the hardest Job he will have. “ He was supporting his family, his boys, in style: whatever they needed, whatever they wanted, they got. He had arrived. He was here.

Not bad for the kid from the Evangelical Home. ” P. 10 Even though he had a tough upbringing, his life now is what he made of it. Successful. Chapter 3: “ In the early morning, the room is his enemy; there is danger in Just being awake. Here, looking up, it is a refuge. He imagines himself safely inside; in bed, with the covers pulled up. Asleep. Unconscious. ” P. 14-15 Getting up each morning is the most difficult thing for Conrad because he has nothing to live for since loosing his brother. “ Haven’t lost your sense of humor after all but your sense of identity is what seems to have been misplaced.

No. Wrong. You don’t lose what you never had. ” P. 15 Conrad never lost his humor but his identity has disappeared. He never lost who he was but it can be misplaced. “ Wrong. There is a need. To regain his spot on the swim team, to get back into choir again, there are no choices at all, Just endless motion. ” P. 19 Conrad has a need to start trying again, he needs his life to go back to the way it was. “ It is like the hole in your mouth where a tooth was and you cannot keep your tongue from playing with it. ” P. 24 Conrad cannot stop thinking about what happened and what life WAS like.

Chapter 4 : “ Then, are we going to live like this? With it always hanging over our heads? P. 30 The family does not what to live with this pain forever but it won’t go away without trying to forget. “ Riding the train gives him too much time to think, he has decided. Too much thinking can ruin you. ” P. 31 The father does not want to over think what had happened because it is slowly destroying the family. “ He does not believe himself to be innocent. It has to be his fault, because fault equals responsibility equals control equals eventual understanding. How things happened.

Why they happened. So where is the fault? Is it in believing that the people you love are immortal? Untouchable? ” P. 34 The father thinks that it is his fault that the son was killed. The people who you love are not immortal, that anything can happen to them. Chapter 5: “ At the end of the hall is a doorway with light behind it. He goes to it.

Chapter 16: “ He has concluded , on this crisp and sunny day in January, that what his life lacks is Organization. Goals. Standing at his desk, his foot on the chair, he gazes out of his bedroom window, pondering, making rapid notes. ” P. 130 The father knows that his life isn’t right, that something is what is used to be. He is raying to change what happened. “ Lists. Buck used to find the scraps of notes on his desk; those stern, written commands to himself to shape up. He could cop them and they would show up, folded inside his napkin at dinner, or taped to the mirror in the bathroom. The Great Listener is at it again, folks! ‘ he would tease him. Reverting to old ways–does that signify a moving backward, or forward? ” P. 133 The father does not know if how he was before is helping him move forward in life or if he is living the past. ” ‘ That box,’ he says. ‘ l feel like I’ve been in it forever. Everybody looking in, to see how you’re doing. Even when they’re on your side, they’re still looking in. Like, nobody can get in there with you. ‘ ” P. 138 Everyone is looking from the outside but they don’t know what it’s like on the inside.

Chapter 17: ” ‘ I’m getting a feeling from you,’ he says, ‘ of heavy guilt. About missing the signals. Am I right? ‘ eyes,’ Cal says, ‘ sure. ‘ It is easier now that Burger’s back is to him. He hadn’t realized it was the eyes that were making him nervous. ‘ You don’t have something like that happen and not feel the responsibility. ‘” P. 146 He knows that something is wrong with Conrad but he is afraid that he missed all the signs to help him. Hell, all life is accident, every bit of it–who you fall in love with, what grabs you, and what you do with it. ” p. 46_7 Life is what you make of it, things happen but you must get through it with clear eyes. Chapter 18: “ Anyway, a person who performs these Joyless and ritualistic sex acts upon himself, this is what he deserves. ” P. 156 The way that Conrad gives out is how he will receive. Chapter 19: “ The answer to what? Life, reduced to the simplest of terms. Formulas. Get away for a while. Everything works out for the best. ” P. 160 Life isn’t simple, but running away will not help. “ People are born. Then they die. In between, they perform a lot of pathetic and more- or-less meaningless actions. P. 162 When you are born, you begin your life. Your life is what you make of it until you die. “ The fear behind the fear of losing people is that there might have been something you could have done to prevent it. ” P. 162 Even though what had happened is not the families fault, their fear of losing their child could have been prevented if they were less careless. “ One thing for sure, Ray is not right. Life is not a series of pathetic, meaningless actions. Some of them are so far from pathetic, so far from meaningless as to be ended reason, maybe beyond forgiveness. ” P. 63 Life isn’t meaningless if you believe it isn’t. Chapter 20: “ On the way home he allows his hand to slide across the seat , encounter hers and hold it lightly while she talks. ” P. 170 This is the first time in a very long time that Conrad is out on a date and feels like there is a connection. There is no pain. Chapter 21: “ Safety and order. Definitely the priorities of his life. He is not a man inclined toward risk. There. A definition at last. I’m a man who believes in safety. ” P. 173 Cal knows that he is not one to take risks and he knows that what happened was to his fault because there was no risk involved. She had referred to him after the very first meeting as Arnold Fagin; had never missed an opportunity to point out the ways that Arnold worked to control him. To own him, she said. Between those two whom he loved, he had tried to wedge his own wants, his own needs, sitting nervously on the fence. It hadn’t worked. ” P. 174 His mother tried to get what she wanted by playing with both of the men’s minds, but it didn’t work out in her favor. “ It seems that he had quietly and simply, one day, turned it off. Before it had gotten started. Priorities again. Safety and order. Infidelity is a dangerous business.

People get hurt. ” P. 175 Cal is afraid of getting hurt again so he begins to help his family by making them safer, but it is Just hurting them more and more. Chapter 22: “ He lets him pull out first, holding himself tight, control is all, he will not, will not. Not here. Not again. ” P. 182 Conrad doesn’t want to show his friends that he is in pain. “ Waiting is part of the punishment. ” P. 185 Waiting for anything hurts. Conrad wants to hurt himself, each and every punishment he does to himself makes him wait for the next. Chapter 23: He passes a sign, high off the highway and to his left: Are you on the right road?

In the shape of a cross, leaves and flowers entwined around it. “ P. 186-7 He does not know if he is on right road in his life, if it is the one he should stay on or get off of. “ In the end that does more to separate people than unite them. People don’t like to be told things. There has to be a way of getting a message across, without setting yourself up as a holy man. But, shouldn’t the need to send the message be proof enough that you are not a holy man? ” P. 187 You do not need to be a saint or a prophet to tell someone that you have potential, UT some may not believe you and could ruin their lives as well as yours.

Chapter 24: “ He reads this as a statement of his good health. Today he is capable of improvement. ” P. 194-195 The doctor is telling Conrad that he is stable, but on the inside he knows that he isn’t. Chapter 25: “ l know,’ Audrey says, ‘ that you have to be careful with Beth. I mean, emotion is her enemy. She wants everything to go smoothly to go right. You know. The way she’s planned it. ‘” P. 203 Beth is an emotional mess and she wants to continue life as it was before but it does not work that way. “ He remembers Carols Laziness’s words at lunch that day. She’s a perfectionist.. She never lets herself get trapped..

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