Calvin trahan

Calvin Trahan English 0310 rough draft Outline I. The definition of poverty 1. Example (homeless people) 2. The type of poverty it is 3. A description of it 4. My reaction or thoughts II. Another form of poverty 1. Example(government assisted people) 2. A description of how it works 3. A description of why it would be considered poverty 4. A reason why it could be positive which leads to another example of poverty III. Middle class poverty living 1. A description as to what society see as to how that person lives 2. An overview of the money made by a middle class citizen 3. A description of the amount of money that’s spent 4. The debt incurred by a middle class citizen 5. What makes this middle class citizen poverty stricken IV. Another form or class of poverty(the elderly) 1. A scenarios of how the elderly easily ends up in poverty 2. Their financial woes 3. Their income 4. Something they would do to prevent living on the streets or in extreme poverty 5. Why I would consider this poverty V. Conclusion 1. Reiterate the thesis 2. Reference a definition of poverty from paragraph #2 3. Reference the definition of poverty from paragraph #3 4. Show how the many examples of poverty explain that poverty does have many shapes and forms 5. Closing statement Shauntelle Jones 13313 Cutten Road Houston, Tx. 77069 To Whom It Many Concern: Peer Analysis 1. The maid idea of the essay in opinion is poverty and its different effects on society. 2. The writer’s purpose is to inform society on the definition of poverty and the different types of poverty and how it affects us as a society. 3. The writer’s target audience is geared toward individuals who are in a poverty stricken situation and those who are in the stage and unaware of how it can later effect their future. 4. The unanswered questions that baffle me are the following: “ Where are your sources? ” , and what facts do you have that support your thesis? 5. The details definitely support the thesis. Details are about the definition of poverty and the effects on our society. 6. The sentence fluency consists of simple sentences. The paper is definitely in need of more compound and complex sentence structured sentences. 7. The strengths of the paper are that the details are detailed enough to support the thesis. The second strength is that the paper appeals to the audience in a realistic way to bring life to the subject matter of poverty. 8. The weaknesses that I see that apparent in the paper are that they are no proven evidence of those facts presented and there is definitely weak word choice and sentence structure. Calvin Trahan The true definition of poverty is to be financially burdened. That’s why poverty has many shapes and forms, some that are visible and others that can be hidden very easily. Most people would imagine poverty to be a person living on the street begging for change. Now that’s an extreme version of poverty, but I can’t forget that many of those people often choose to live on the streets, because of their dislike of rules and regulations. Others live that way due to addictions, as well as mental and emotional issues. In my writing I will give examples of the various forms and shapes of poverty. I have lived in poverty myself, but many would say otherwise due to what they saw. Those that didn’t choose to live on the streets, but may have fallen upon hard times had to have come from a middle class or upper class living condition. I use to believe that having a job, a home, and a car meant you were doing well. Now I realize that that’s not true, because I can have those things and live in the projects receiving government assistance. The government pays the rent and utilities, plus issues a card for food and a small cash allowance. Now the real question is, is that poverty, because those that receive the benefits have no debt to pay. Having no debt or strikes against my credit gives me the opportunity to actually rise above the level I’m at. For the person at this level once I obtain a steady job every dollar earned goes toward the betterment of their living conditions. Now there’s another form of poverty that seems to be more stressful, because at this level I’m in debt as a middle class citizen with a college degree, a new car, and a new home with a decent career. Let’s say I’m making a salary, so I receive no overtime or time and a half. So every penny earned is every penny owed. I have student loans to pay from college, a car note, a mortgage, insurance of every kind from homeowners to dental insurance, Which means one sick day would lead to a half payment on a bill. It’s the American dream to have all these nice things and live a comfortable lifestyle, yet beneath it all I’m upside down on my home and cant refinance again, my savings is depleted and my credit has dropped to the five hundreds and I ask myself is that living the good life or is that poverty, and I call it poverty. Poverty has many shapes and forms, and strikes at any time. An elderly couple that has lived well during the years they’ve worked has been struck by old age and health issues. These issues had become the reason the husband retired early in his career. Neither of them would have believed the medication needed to survive would eat away at their savings the way it did, because social security only covers so much and the rest of the burden is left upon you. Also social security wasn’t what they expected it to be either. Now the couple has tried this new reverse mortgage to put some money back into their pockets not realizing they’re giving away pretty much all they’ve worked hard for; for cents on the dollar. Many of our elderly live on an average of twenty thousand dollars or less a year from social security, and that is poverty in its rare form as well. In conclusion, I believe that just because things look good on the outside doesn’t mean it’s good on the inside. Living within your means can help prevent poverty, but poverty is similar to cancer, once it’s there it eats away at you causing debt, low self-esteem, and sometimes death. Receiving government assistance is a clear indication that you are living in poverty. Also having a career that pays well, but doesn’t meet the financial debt incurred is another form of poverty. Also, once you’ve reached the age of a senior citizen and not have made extremely good investments for the future, the risk of living in poverty remains. That’s why poverty has no shapes or forms, because no matter how much money you make or don’t have you can be easily placed into a state of poverty. So it’s important to stay constantly aware of the financial burden put upon ones self to prevent the death grip of poverty. GRADING PROFILE DEVELOPMENTAL ENGLISH Name___SHAUNTELLE JONES_______________ Date 4/05_/13___Assignment _essay#3_______ Approx. no. of words __800______ Minimum length met: Yes_X__ N____ (-10) Appropriateness (10-9) _7__Topic clearly stated – Style and language appropriate for purpose/audience/occasion (8-7) _7__ Topic generally stated – Style and language appropriate for purpose/audience/occasion (6-5) _5__ Vague use of topic – Some style and language inappropriate for purpose/audience/occasion (1-4) _3__ Indefinite topic – Little or no idea of purpose/audience/occasion Unity and Focus (10-9) _9__ Strong focus – Central idea is clearly stated near beginning and maintained through essay (8-7) _7___ Generally clear focus – Central idea is stated near beginning – a few unrelated details (6-5) _5___ Weak focus – Central idea is vague or misplaced – Many unrelated details (1-4) __4___ Little or no focus – No central idea – Little or no support – Random use of details Development (15-12) __12__ Significant topic – Outstanding examples – Vivid, concrete details – Ample support (11-8) __8___ Appropriate topic – Acceptable examples – Mostly specific details – Effective support (7-5) __5___ Weak or general topic – Poor or few examples – Mostly general details – Needs support (1-4) __3___ Inadequate topic – Unsupportive examples – Vague or random details – Little or no support Organization (15-12) _ 12___ Effective paragraphing – Number of paragraphs apt – Strong introduction/conclusion Smooth flow – logical order of information (11-8) __8__ Acceptable paragraphing – Number of paragraphs needs work – Adequate intro/conclusion Some choppy transitions or connectors – Some information loosely organized (7-5) __5___ Organization needs work – Poor/unsatisfactory paragraphing – Weak intro or conclusion (1-4) __3___ Non-fluent – Ideas confused or disconnected – Illogical or no paragraphing Ineffective, weak, or missing introduction or conclusion Sentence Structure (20-19) __12___ Variety of sentence forms – no awkward sentences – No unnecessary repetition – Complete and properly constructed sentences (No fragments, comma splices, or run-ons) (18-16) __16__ Generally effective sentences – Some awkward phrasing – Some unnecessary repetition Some sentence problems (a few fragments, comma splices, or run-ons) (15-12) __12__ Frequent problems with awkward phrasing – Garbled sentences – Frequent unnecessary repetition – Serious construction problems (many fragments, comma splices, and run-ons) (1-11) ___6__ Communication severely hampered by garbled sentences – Nonstandard Written English Word Usage (20-19) _15___ Effective word choice, idiom choice, and usage – Word form mastery (18-16) __12__ Occasional errors of diction or usage (pronoun case/agreement, subject/verb, verb forms) (15-12) __12__ Limited vocabulary – Frequent errors of diction or usage (pronoun case/agreement, subject/verb, verb tenses, verb forms – Serious/frequent word choice or idiom problems (1-11) ___6___ Communication seriously hindered by word form errors – Nonstandard Written English Mechanics (10) __8__ Spelling and capitalization perfect – Periods and other punctuation mostly correct Manuscript Form correct – No spacing problems – Excellent presentation (9-8) ___8__ Some spelling errors or caps errors – Some comma/period/other punctuation errors Manuscript Form generally correct – Good presentation (7-5) __6__ Frequent spelling or caps errors – Numerous comma/punctuation errors Manuscript Form needs major work – Presentation hinders communication (1-4) ___4___ Spelling errors seriously hinder communication – Frequent caps errors – Nonstandard use of commas/periods/punctuations – Manuscript is hard to read or illegible Total Score_218__ Essay must be revised or rewritten___no___ U= Unsatisfactory